I was at a party with some running friends several months ago. A group of women gathered at a tribe member’s house for a run, followed by pot-luck breakfast and a dip in her pool.
I was talking to one friend after breakfast and noticed she was wearing three earrings – two in one ear and one in the other. I liked it; I thought it gave her a chic, Bohemian vibe.
As it turns out, my ears are pierced in three places too. At one time I had two piercings in both ears, but one of the holes grew shut since I rarely wore two sets of earrings.
I almost never put in that third earring, believing myself too old and too conservative to pull it off, but my friend, who is about my age, wore the look well.
She unknowingly gave me permission to wear three earrings.
Why do I need permission?
When we wait for permission we are showing our need for others’ approval.
Or are we?
I once took a personality test as part of an in-service program. Among other things, I learned from that personality test that I am more of an extrovert than an introvert.
That doesn’t mean I am a back-slapping, life-of-the-party kind of person, although I am fairly gregarious. Being an extrovert means I gain energy from being with others. I lose energy from spending too much time alone.
Introverts, by the way, are the opposite; they gain energy from spending time alone and lose energy from too much social interaction.
Most of us are not 100% introverted or extroverted; we all fall somewhere on the introvert/extrovert spectrum.
Since we are all at least somewhat extroverted, we all gain some energy and insight from others. That’s not always a bad thing.
What if I was not waiting for permission to wear the third earring, what if I was waiting for inspiration?
Inspiring people are often enthusiastic, innovative, and caring. They exude confidence and appear to be relaxed and calm. People who inspire us have a certain amount of courage; they are bold, at least in some areas of life.
Now, wearing a third earring was not a momentous decision. It was just a tiny example of a change I thought I could make for the better. I sometimes need a little push to be bold.
I have been inspired by others in countless ways. Sometimes it works out, as it did in the case of the earring.
Sometimes it is a disaster, like the time, inspired by a friend, I tried to do a triathlon without really training.
I know an extraordinary woman who is an extremely talented runner. And biker. And swimmer. She talked to me about doing triathlons and made the challenge sound appealing.
On her suggestion, I signed up for a small sprint triathlon near my house.
I was already a runner, so running a 5K was no issue. I swam two or three times a week for about a mile at a time, so swimming six laps in the pool was a breeze.
The problem was the bike. Or, more accurately the problem was me riding the bike.
I never ride bikes on the road. I don’t even have a road bike; I have a mountain bike. To prepare for the triathlon, I asked my husband to fill the tires of my little-used mountain bike with air, rode to the end of our street and back, and declared myself ready.
On the day of the triathlon, the swim portion of the race went perfectly. I beat my predicted time by several minutes. The run was wonderful too, a mostly flat out and back on scenic country roads.
But the bike portion of the race was by far the largest section of the race and I was terrible. I couldn’t keep up with people riding light, aerodynamic road bikes on my heavy, clunky mountain bike. People who actually trained on bikes left woefully untrained me in the dust.
I was out on the bike so long, the course marshals began to return before I did. My husband, who came to the race to cheer me on, became worried I got lost. I was the dead last finisher on the bike.
We can all learn from our mistakes. As I attempted to learn from this disaster, the first lesson was obvious. Never undertrain for a race. Hubris made me think I could compete with racers who were much more prepared than I and using the proper equipment. I couldn’t.
I now believe there was also a deeper lesson for me to learn.
When I was inspired by my earring-wearing friend, I was inspired by her example. When I was inspired to do the triathlon without training on the bike, I was inspired by my friend herself. I was inspired by the person.
It’s fine to be inspired by traits, habits, and skills of others, but when we try to emulate another person, we are not being true to ourselves.
I can be inspired by a friend’s generosity, but I should be motivated to imitate the generosity, not the friend.
We each have our own strengths and weaknesses, our unique characteristics that make us individuals. When we attempt to adopt the attributes of others, we give up our own inner strength.
The only person I can be honestly is me. When I forget that, I become a fan or a follower and I lose self-respect.
I also run the risk of losing my inner compass, that little voice in my head that tells me right from wrong. Too many followers have accompanied a charismatic leader down a dangerous path.
Imitating another person can lead to serious trouble.
I saw my earring-wearing friend at the pool recently. She was wearing a bikini. It made me wonder if I could pull off a bikini to swim laps. “Nah,” I thought. Not me.
Sometimes it takes a while, but slowly, I am learning to be me.
You can find the places I link up here.
I had a boss like that once. She was so inspiring and I wanted to be like her. However, I soon realised that, while I could learn certain skills and copy some aspects, I would never be HER.
I still think you should try the bikini, though! 😊
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I had a running friend like that. As much as I tried to emulate her, I couldn’t BE her. Big nope on the bikini. No one wants to see that! 🙂
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This is very true. Always be yourself and get inspired but don’t follow blindly.
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Exactly. We can imitate traits we admire, just not people.
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You have said it! 👍
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Wise words. Why be a copy when you can be an original?
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Yes, I love that line!
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Great lessons!
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Thank you!
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Great thoughts on inspiration–only the really self-assured of us could resist being inspired by someone who is more self-assured…yeah, no bikini over here. I might be the only woman on the beach with her abdomen covered, but I wouldn’t be comfortable any other way!
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Same here. No one wants to see my belly on the beach! 🙂
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Another very insightful post 🙂 I have pierced ears (since I was 10), but one of them is slightly off (a little more towards the back of the ear lobe than the other).I have been tempted to get a second piercing in the “off” pierced ear, so there would at least be two holes that were symmetrical…but that would leave me with three holes total. Which, I do kind of like. I’m an art geek, so I’m always intrigued with doing things that are a bit more “expressive” because I don’t want to look like other people. That’s why I wear my white jeans year-round and have been cuffing my pants before it was trendy LOL
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You are a true fashionista, Kim! If you do get three holes total, post a photo. I tried to take a selfie of my ear with 2 earrings and I couldn’t get a good one. You are a better photographer than me, though.
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My step mother always told me that you can’t wear your hair long after thirty! I say do what works for you!
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Whew! I am waaaay over 30 and my hair is sort of long. “Do what works for you” works for me!
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I gotta say, I always complain that it’s “just not fair” that I get my butt kicked on the bike portion of the triathlon because I didn’t spend a ton of money on my bike. Sometimes it’s not just the training!
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In my case, it was the bike AND the lack of training. I understand what you’re saying, though.
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Showing up at a race without training? Hmm. That sounds familiar. I believe everyone can pull off a bikini by just wearing a bikini. Gotta be better than having all that wet fabric clinging to you.
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I usually at least have SOME training going into a race, but I totally blew off the bike portion of the tri. Big nope on the bikini, Jeff!
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Follow the example, not the person . . . Perfect advice, Laurie! We have to be true to ourselves and not waste time comparing our qualities to those with which others have been blessed.
Blessings!
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So true, Martha. We can only be one person – ourselves. God made each of us our own unique person for a reason.
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I like you the way you are.
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Haha! Thank you, Anne. I can be a better me, I know it! 🙂
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What an interesting perspective! So are you rocking the 3 ear rings now? I bet if you trained for the tri you would totally crush it
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Yes. I have 3 earrings most of the time. I am kind of scared to train on the roads with the bike. My bike riding is limited to rail trails.
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That was an interesting perspective on yourself Laurie – you are bold and ready to take on new things head on – I can tell that from your writing and our “chats” … I used to be be more willing to try new things but have become rather set in my ways since not out in the world in the workplace, but instead working from home. But that’s okay too. I have to laugh when people say I am introverted – I always have said “yes, I prefer being alone, but am equally comfortable being with people and can strike up a conversation with a stranger easily.” They want to disagree, but now I can see you can be both … so that is me. Go ahead and do the third earring – the bikini to swim laps is a bold and brazen move … go for it, you train hard enough that you are fit and can pull it off.
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I need inspiration to be bold, Linda. I am pretty conservative, almost timid if left to my own devices. You seem to strike up conversations so easily with your blogger friends. I would not have said you were an introvert.
No way on the bikini. The third earring is OK. 🙂
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I don’t feel like an introvert, but have been pegged as such since I live alone and have no family, and friends all live out of state. But I don’t feel like that as I don’t have trouble striking up conversations; in fact I have a friend who is always sending me articles about being an introvert … I don’t know whether to say “thank you” or “why are you sending this?” Okay, no bikini and yes the third earring is okay. 🙂 All grandmas should be as fit as you are Laurie.
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I think you are great at starting conversations, Linda. You always seem to have lots of chats going on with your readers on your blog. I would not peg you as an introvert.
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Thank you Laurie – that’s what I told my friend who keeps sending me this articles she reads online. Like your post says, she can be a little of both – I do prefer the quiet and coziness of being home, but can still thrive in a crowd. I think I mentioned to you when we discussed waitressing and liking our jobs, that job brought me out of my shell – before it, I was very shy.
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It’s the swim portion that keeps me away from tris. And all the gear and transition stress! But I’d do one witha friend for fun.
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The tri I did was a lot of fun. If I would ever do another one, I would need to do some hard core training on the bike. I am OK with the swim.
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Fun post – It can be tricky sometimes to figure out exactly what works for me and what doesn’t.
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I feel the same way. We have to be bold enough to try new things to see what works for us and what doesn’t.
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I’m afraid I’m not who I was,
and there is no ‘me’;
I have to find my way because
I’m hostage to my destiny.
They say that we are wired hard
by God, to be that which we are,
but I;m hoist on cancer’s fell petard,
and find that I am very far
from understanding the intent
and comprehending simple grace;
how could this be provident,
and why am I now in this place?
All I am is a reaction
to my former life’s redaction.
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Oh, Andrew. How beautiful and sad. Praying for you, my friend. God does make us each in our own way. I don’t understand either but I am in wonder just the same.
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I love the idea of a potluck breakfast after a run! I may try that one of these days.
Very interesting reading – so just to make sure I’ve gotten it, for your triathlon example, it may have worked out better had you been inspired by the hard work that your friend had put into doing a triathlon as opposed to the act of doing of the triathlon itself?
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The breakfast was so much fun. I would recommend it. Right – I should have been inspired by the training my friend did for each portion of the tri. I was only inspired by her results. If I would ever do another tri, I need to train on the bike.
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I’m inspired by this post, and completely agree with you that the example of another person can push us to try things or to embrace aspects of our own self that we may have overlooked.
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Being inspired by another has both good and not-so-good aspects. I must learn to be discerning in my aspirations inspired by others. It’s a process! 🙂
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Great lesson for us all, Laurie – be inspired by others while always being true to yourself.
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Thank you, Joanne. Staying true to ourselves is the important part. It isn’t always easy! 🙂
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Laurie, I have to say this is one of the best ‘speaks to me’ posts I’ve ever read. What spot-on insight and wonderful storytelling. I want to be chatting over coffee instead of reading on a screen! Your post reminds me of when I saw an *inspiring* poster in a hair salon and decided ‘I should have bangs, too.’ Forget the fact that the woman was a model, significantly younger than me, massively styled, and sans-colic.’ Needless to say–it was a mistake. I had to pin my bangs back with bobby pins for a good three months. When I went back to study the poster to determine where I went wrong, I realized it wasn’t the bangs that hooked me. And it wasn’t anything deep & meaningful & loaded with self-discovery. It was her highlights. She had one fine dye job. But the buck stopped there.
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Thank you, Carolyn. I would love to be chatting over coffee too! 🙂 Love the “bangs” story! It sounds like something I would do!
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I greatly enjoyed reading this post, Laurie. Thanks for sharing your insights and wisdom. #senisal
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Thank you for your very kind comment, Natalie!
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Some valuable lessons learned! I am not the person who takes the leap without doing the work. I’m usually guilty of the opposite: Doing all the work and still not taking the leap. Triathlons are humbling for sure!
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I really liked the one that I did, but I don’t think I will do another one. All my bike riding is on rail trails these days. Too many distracted drivers on the roads!
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Very thought-provoking post, Laurie! I like your bottom line, but would add that the only person we can and should emulate is Christ. Imitating anyone else only fractures who we are. And it sounds like you’re an ambivert. That’s the person who can be both extroverted and introverted–falling in the middle of the continuum. It’s a great place to land and I think indicates a well-adjusted person.
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Thank you, Beth! So true. I like that thought – Christ is the person we all should model our lives after. I definitely am an ambivert. Thanks for teaching me a new word today!
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Whoa. This is going to take some time to process. What you are saying absolutely resonates.
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Glad you could use the post. Thank you!
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Thanks for the insight and the reminder of why I won’t try a triathlon! I stick to biking on rail trails, the thought of biking on the road scares me! Not to mention I’ll choose running up a hill any day over biking up one.
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I do all my riding these days on rail trails. Too many distracted drivers on the roads.
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Sad but true!
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So funny, we talked about extroverts & introverts while I was with my family. I am most definitely an introvert. My SIL said she is too, although I’ve never seen that. My brother felt he was — and I definitely do not see that! Then my SIL showed me a meme with a person in bed with a dog curled up on her. The caption was “introvert recharging station”. We had a good laugh over that.
I enjoy small, intimate groups, but large groups not so much, even though I actually draw energy from crowds. Drawing energy from crowds is not the same thing as interacting with large groups of people, though, at least not to me. I do absolutely need time alone. Quiet time alone, in fact. For the most part, though, I’m pretty sure of myself and march to the beat of my own drummer. Some of my friends that enjoy more get togethers can’t understand that, but the truth is that’s what makes the world go round.
Very interesting, thought provoking post — as usual, Laurie!
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I love the thought of curling up with a dog! That would definitely be recharging for me!
I think I am more of an extrovert than my hubby, which often makes me the social director of the family. You seem to run often with friends. I love to see photos and read stories of you with your running buddies. I think you are somewhere on the spectrum of intorvert/extrovert just like me.
Glad you liked the post, Judy!
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No, I actually rarely run with friends (regular training runs, that is). I like to run with people, but since a lot of my friends work 9 to 5 jobs, the only time they have to run is in the evening (well, of course there is morning). I don’t have to and I’d actually rather run by myself than meet up with them at what is my dinner hour.
Trust me, I’m definitely an introvert. How you come through on the Web can be quite different than IRL.
I can be ok with crowds, but then I’m “on”, and it’s really draining to me.
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I am the same as you, Judy. Since I am retired, I would rather run during the daylight hours. With the exception of Tuesday evening, I run by myself or with Bill other days.
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We also tend to forget that someone might be silently admiring us for having the courage to be ourselves.
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That is so true, Dan. I learned that lesson when I was a teacher.
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Good thoughts! It took me a long time to learn that I could admire and learn from people without having to copy them exactly or feel bad that I didn’t live up to them exactly.
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Thank you, Barbara. It took me a long time to learn that too. In fact, I am still learning to be my own person without copying someone else.
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great post, love the way you develop your argument 🙂 #globalblogging
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God has a theme going Laurie!
You may find my post “Decisions, decisions, decisions!” interesting. 😉
And I have to ask…are you now wearing 3 earrings? 😀
Bless you,
Jennifer
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I am sure I will find that post interesting! I am currently wearing 3 earrings. I feel so bold! 🙂
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I love your ending, Laurie. 🙂 And the rest of the post too … I never thought of it quite like this, that it’s better to be inspired by someone’s example than to emulate them personally. So true.
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Thank you, Lois. When I started writing the post, I didn’t know quite how it would end. I think I finally said what I wanted to say! 🙂
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Laurie, hi! i love the way you’ve separated permission and inspiration. truly, well, inspirational!
permission is rigid and scary and leaves us feeling kinda slow. inspiration releases our creativity, joy, and all kinds of energizing possibilities.
love this post, friend …
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Hi Linda! Thank you for your very kind comment.
When I first began writing this post, I didn’t really know where it was going to go. Then I thought about the difference between permission and inspiration. I believe I fanally said what I needed to say.
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This can be hard and frustrating at times, but it is the best way to live: “The only person I can be honestly is me.” Thanks, Laurie! I’m glad you are you. 🙂
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And I am glad you are YOU, Lisa! Thank you!!! 🙂
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Great post and I learned that I do miss being with people (but I also like a break) so I am more extravert than introvert. Pretty sure I could not have been a school principal without that quality. But being comfortable and accepting of who I am now is one I am learning. At 70 I am running out of time to compare…lol…so I won’t. I admit I used to be 100% people pleaser and have knocked this tendency on the head but it can still bounce back without me noticing.
Like your words, they have made me think more. Connecting via blogging is good for that!
Thanks for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt is #ShareYourSnaps. I hope you will join in then too. Denyse.
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I agree…a principal needs to be able to relate to people. I used to be much more of a people-pleaser too. I am trying to work on that, but it’s hard to let it go. I have a post ready to go that I am afraid to post because it is about a controversial topic and I don’t want bloggers to be angry with me.
Thank you for the opportunity to link up. I really enjoy your blog party. I have met such interesting people there!
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Always best to be your self less stress in the long run x
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Yep. so true!
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Such a cool and telling difference. Sometimes I wonder whether that example v person thing also happens along introvert/extrovert lines. Introverts tend to inspire by drawing you in where extroverts inspire by pushing the energy out…maybe? I have no idea…in fact, ignore me, I’m rambling lol… Oh, and wear the third earring – I’m now disappointed I let mine grow over about 30 years ago! (I had 2 in one ear & 1 in the other & when I started work in a bank it wasn’t the done thing…)
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Oh, so true! I never thought of it that way. Good point! I wish I had thought of that.
I guess I am having a second childhood with the 3rd earring thing! 🙂
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Love this, good for you. ❤
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Thank you, Rachel!
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It takes us a while to learn the difference between being inspired by someone and trying to imitate them. I am now inspired to wear an earring in my third hole. I also have two in one ear, but has been so long since I’ve worn that second one it has almost closed.
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I loved my friend’s look and began wearing that third earring just before my third hole closed up. So glad I did! 🙂
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I loved this post Laurie – it’s so true that we can be inspired by others, but not necessarily have to take it all on ourselves. I have three holes in each ear and getting the 3rd one was very liberating (it took me meeting a woman who said she “didn’t want to die without getting her 3rd one done” for me to realize I wanted it enough to just go and do it). I’ve gone back to two holes these days + I have a daith piercing on one side that I love (https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/360147301450525330/) and I’ve also just discovered threaded earrings again after seeing this pic on Pinterest (https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/360147301453847432/) I love the whole re-invention of how to wear them.
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So cool!!! You are my new inspiration!
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Great job on the triathlon! First, second, or last, you still did it!!! I am a social introvert. 🙂 While I like being alone, I also enjoy being with a group of people. However, anything more than 4-5 and I am not comfortable. The weird thing is that when I get together with family, there is more than that and I am fine. Weird. Oh and no bikini for me either.
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Ha! I was dead last on the bike. I think family is different. There were 30+ of us at Thanksgiving and I had a ball! There is no way in the world I would inflict myself in a bikini on anyone! 🙂
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This is kinda what I needed right now. I’m in that weird place where I don’t really know where I am, ya know? This was really helpful. Thanks.
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So glad I could write something you could use, Marc.
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I remember when I was younger I was the person who was chasing after being like the person who seemed to have it all together. I wasted so much time in the pursuit of something that I was never meant to have. I love that God created us uniquely and we each bring something to the world that is needed. That is what I chase after now. Being who God created me to be.
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We do (usually) gain wisdom as we get older, don’t we, Mary? My striving these days is limited to being the person God intended me to be.
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Imitation must be flattering but there must be a spark of individuality and sense of self at the core of any change. We must preserve and celebrate our own uniqueness even when inspired by others. Thanks for linking up to #globalblogging
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So true. Preserving our individuality is important even when we are inspired by others.
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Wow! That’s a new way to look at it, Introvert and Extrovert. I’m mostly considering myself as an introvert, but i agree with your point of gaining some inspiration from extroverts from time to time. Inspiration not for becoming extrovert or outgoing, but how we can look at people differently and get something positive on every look at the person.
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Yes, I think we all have a little bit of both introvert and extrovert inside of us. We need to look at each person as an individual.
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Very insightful post with a load of wisdom. Thanks for sharing. I had a very similar triathlon experience six years ago, only I didn’t even put air in the mountain bike tires. I had a great swim but stopped counting when 50 people passed me on the bike. I was able to pass a couple people on the run but I really got bit by the tri-bug. I thoroughly enjoy the training, camaraderie and sense of accomplishment.
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Ha! My hubby put the air in my tires before I rode it to the end of the street and back. I would like to do another tri. I like to swim and run but I only bike on rail trails. Traffic near where I live is crazy and the road shoulders are narrow.
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[…] via Finding Inspiration To Be Me — Meditations in Motion […]
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Interesting post
I like the part that says it’s best to be inspired by what people do rather than the people themselves.
Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you. I do think it’s better to be a follower of good ideas than a person.
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Hi Laurie! This post was so interesting and insightful! Your writing truly inspires me and is so refreshing. I always enjoy your work and I just want to say that your article is so thought provoking. I was wondering if you could check out my new piece on the road to self-discovery and growth! I would really appreciate it if you could comment some feedback to improve the writing style. Looking forward to hearing from you. – Kiran ❤
https://kiranninprogress.wordpress.com/2020/03/18/the-sower-of-the-seeds-of-dreams/
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Thank you. I will check it out.
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I love this, Laurie! For me the insights you got from little things are a wonderful example of how everything is connected.
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Thank you, Claudine! I just visited your blog and it seems like you have a lot of insight too! 🙂
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