Bill and I took a trip to Pittsburgh, one of our favorite cities, last weekend. Amazingly, the reason for the visit was not a race. It seems like most of our weekend trips involve races lately.
Just because we didn’t race doesn’t mean that we didn’t run, however. We did a 10-miler on a route that started as a wide paved bike path, dwindled to a cinder single lane, then diminished further to a hard-to-follow footpath next to a train track in the city’s North Side neighborhood next to the Allegheny River.
We ran with our friend Nancy and talked the whole 10 miles. The good thing about talking is the miles go by easily and quickly; the bad thing is I don’t have the opportunity to allow my mind to wander while I run. It’s a good trade-off, though. I run by myself a lot these days. The company and conversation were excellent. I can ruminate later. I was given an excuse to ruminate soon after returning home.
I have three sons, and now, three daughters-in-law. I love each of my daughters-in-law very much, each in a different way. They are excellent matches for my sons and getting to know them and their families has been one of the best things that has happened to me. I have had compelling conversations with each of them on topics including mental health, grief, hope, loss, and love.
When I got home, one of my daughters-in-law (you know who you are!) asked me a question that made the wheels in my head start spinning: “Is it possible to love someone too much?” My short, immediate answer: “No.” I’m not talking about infatuation or an unhealthy obsession, but too much love? I don’t think so.
Her question reminded me of this quote from Lao Tzu:
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
When we give love to our children, our partners and our friends, we give them strength that comes from the confidence that they are loved beyond all measure.
Could we love our children too much? I don’t think so. Maybe you think of helicopter parents, hovering over their children, obsessed with their success and satisfaction, but this phenomenon has little to do with the quantity of love the parents are giving and everything to do with conflating their child’s needs with their own. When we live life vicariously through our children, we rob them of the ability to make mistakes. Admitting that your child made a mistake in this instance is like admitting our own failures.
Could we give too much love to a spouse or a partner? My answer to this is also “No.” I am convinced that one of the best ways to love a partner is to build him/her up whenever possible. I am not talking about giving insincere flattery or being dishonest, but when I think of love between two adults, I am always reminded of the bible verses from 1 Corinthians Bill and I had read at our wedding so many years ago:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
How could you ever get too much of this kind of love?
I believe the words from 1 John with all my heart: “God is love.” Notice that John does not say God is lov-ing. He says God is love. I may not feel worthy of such eternal, all-encompassing love, but, somehow, it is mine. Love never ends.
But Lao Tzu’s quote says not only is the receiver of love benefitting by receiving strength, the giver is also benefitting by receiving courage.
Who can deny that it takes courage to make yourself vulnerable enough to love? What if the receiver doesn’t appreciate the gift, or worse, rejects it completely? Can I truly say that it doesn’t matter? That the giver of love is still better off, even if that love is rejected? Yes. Undoubtedly, yes.
Oh, it is a blow to the human ego to have your love rejected. That doesn’t stop you from giving your love. As Exhibit A, I present: The Teenager. It is an uncommon and wise teenager who appreciates their parents’ love. I certainly didn’t when I was a teenager. Parents are embarrassing, nosy doofuses to most teens. And yet…we love our teenage children anyway. We want the best for them, even as we are subjected to their rages and their icy glares. We make ourselves vulnerable when we love, and that takes courage.
When we allow ourselves the capacity to give love, we are changed for the better. Giving love makes us more patient, unselfish, compassionate and, well, more loveable. It’s cyclical. Receiving love makes us strong enough to dare to give love, which makes us brave enough to accept love. Over and over, without end.
I know that I was not asked for advice, but I am giving some anyway (unsolicited advice from a mother-in-law – awesome, right?) Give love whenever you get the chance, whenever you feel compelled to. Give it away freely, generously, and joyously without a second thought. It will bless the giver and the receiver. The Red Hot Chili Peppers can’t be wrong.
I am linking up with Nicole and Annmarie for Wild Workout Wednesday, Holley Gerth for Coffee for Your Heart, Eclectic Evelyn for her Words on Wednesday, Dare 2 Hear for Tune in Thursdays, Random-osity for Little Things Thursdays, Jessica and Amy at Live Life Well, Anna Nuttall for her Bloggers Link Up, and Jamie Sumner for Sunday Thoughts..
Lovely writing. I enjoyed reading it.
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Hey there! I’m not sure if you’re into doing awards, but I just wanted to let you know I nominated you for the Liebster Award. I know it can take an awful amount of time to write, so no obligations here. 😀 Just wanted to say thanks for the great posts you give to this community.
https://ourdailyscraps.wordpress.com/2018/07/11/liebster-the-second/
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Thank you so much. What an honor! I will check it out.
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Never would I argue with the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and it’s great that you defined “love” as what it truly is. I think I Corinthians 13 sets the standard high enough so that our human hearts could labor a life time and never love “too much” according to the true definition of love.
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Thank you for your comment, Michele. I think as we get older, the definition of love from 1 Corinthians becomes more and more real. I have always loved that chapter, but I appreciate it more now than when we first were married.
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I don’t think that you can ever love too much. If anything, I think this world needs a whole lot more of love and compassion!
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Agreed! Thank you for your comment.
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Yes, Laurie! Absolutely yes! I am reading The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck, M.D. right now and he speaks of this exact phenomenon. If we give love genuinely and selflessly, it always serves to enrich us as well in the best ways possible. He talks about the conundrum of selfless love being entirely selfish as well…en route to spiritual enlightenment for both the lover and the beloved. In speaking about love for our children, he quotes Kahlil Gibran, “ Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you they belong not to you.” I just found this so profound and so very true. We must love each other for all of our uniqueness and individuality and nurture it instead of trying to stifle it. So, I agree with you completely, there is never a thing as too much love.
Shelbee
http://www.shelbeeontheedge.com
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Thank you for your comment. I love that Gibran quote! I am also looking for a new book to read. Maybe I will try The Road Less Traveled.
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I have never been to Pittsburgh but it looks beautiful! And I agree – you can never love someone too much but the way you define love and how you give/receive is what is truly important.
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I was not excited about going to Pittsburgh the first time we went there. Now, I love to go, though. It is a very vibrant city with lots of good restaurants and always something interesting going on.
Thank you for the comments on love!
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What a lovely post! I agree that you can never give too much love, and in fact, I think the world needs more of it! I never though about the fact that giving love takes courage, but it’s very true!
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Thank you for your comment. Spoken like a true newlywed! 😉
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I tried to comment on your weekend wrap for July 9th, but couldn’t, so I’ll comment here… 🙂 Which race in Harper’s Ferry, WVA did you run? Just curious. I think it would be a pretty place to run. There’s a hike there my husband has done a few times and wants to go back so I can join him.
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We didn’t run a race in Harper’s Ferry. The race was the Wine Country Half in VA. We just stayed close to Harper’s Ferry (in WV) and visited the area. They do have a half that looks pretty intriguing, though, in the fall.
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Gotcha! I thought perhaps you’d been down this way earlier in the spring for a race in Harper’s Ferry.
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I definitely don’t think you can give too much love — probably just the opposite. And whatever you give away, you receive, too.
Take the furkids, for instance. It’s inevitable that they will never be with us as long as we’d like them to be. Do I regret any of my furkids? No, of course not, despite the fact that I seem to attract the ones who have issues, never the “easy” ones (if there really is such a thing).
I go along with Shakespeare — better to have loved & lost & all that.
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Yes! Exactly! The more love you give away, the more you receive.
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Your daughter-in-law chose her mother-in-law well. Love certainly takes courage. But the alternative, encasing oneself in a brittle little shell made mostly of ego fragments, is pretty dismal. Thanks for this post!
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I was thinking similar thoughts as I was pulling weeds this morning, but I love the phrase “encasing oneself in a brittle little shell made mostly of ego fragments”! 🙂
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This is beautiful. I think too many time people equate love with obsessiveness, which obviously can be overbearing. True love must trust. Great post.
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Thank you for your comments! I agree – there is a big difference between love and obsession.
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Love is what makes the world go round!
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I love this beautiful, joyful post. Love always carries a risk, but it’s so worth it! laurensparks.net
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It IS worth it! Thank you for your comment, Lauren.
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I enjoyed reading your post too and would like to go back and read it again! You can’t go wrong loving others…showing love to our families AND those we meet along the way. Hugs, Diane
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…I need to put Pittsburgh on my to see list! 😀
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Thank you for this! I enjoyed reading each word. Just the meaningful thing I needed to read today. Thank you for linking up.
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Thank you for your comment. And thanks for the opportunity to link up!
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Lovely post Laurie, spreading love is better than spreading hate witch we have to much of already. ❤️✌️
BY FOR NOW
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Thank you! So glad we found each other’s blogs!
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Your Welcome dear, yes you have some wonderful peaces dear, I look forward to looking throw more of your blogs. ❤️✌️
BY FOR NOW
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Your posts remind me of the thoughts that go through my head on a run! This is another beautiful post. Love is funny, because you can love someone so much and yet dislike them very much at that same time! Like teenagers? All the things my men put me through, yet I love them dearly. Love is selfless.
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Haha! I have been there many times myself. I always love all of my family members, but there are times that I don’t like some of them very much! Thank you for your comment!
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this is a sweet post. No you can never love your kids too much or your spouse. Happy Friday!
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Happy Friday to you!
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Great job on your ten mile run while on vacation! It is always fun to do longer ones with someone. Like you said, the miles just fly by.
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Yes. I have to start lining up friends to do long runs with!
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I agree, you can never give too much love. That doesn’t mean one needs to be a doormat, a helicopter parent, untrue to yourself, etc.
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Exactly! Those things are not expressions of love.
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This is so good. The world can use more love. Thank you for sharing these thoughts!
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Thank you for your comment!
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I have never been to Pittsburg but it looks lovely. And I don’t think you can ever love someone to much
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It’s one of my favorite cities to visit. And I agree! 🙂
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So many great thoughts and insights here to ponder 😉 I think the love we give to others does (eventually) come back to us, though we may not always recognize it.
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Agreed. I am a big believer in “what goes around, comes around”! 🙂
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My parents always showed us so much love and as a mum now it feels natural to do the same. But growing up I had many friends whose parents almost felt that showing love was a weakness of sorts.
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That is so sad to hear! I’m glad you were showed love by your parents!
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Great post. I don’t think you can love too much, however, I do think love can lead to wrong decisions and choices.
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I guess it all depends on how you define “love”! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!
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Beautiful! I was thinking about how much I loved my husband the other day and how vulnerable that makes me. That is a very scary thing. But it is also what we are called to do. Loved your advice!
Thanks for linking up @LiveLifeWell!
Blessings,
Amy
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Thank you, Amy. I think you are exactly right – we are called to give love away. Our vulnerability is our strength.
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